What inspires you to be creative? Just curious…For me it comes at different times in waves. I can’t force it. It just happens. Sometimes I smoke a little weed and listen to music. That seems to help unlock the door to where my artist lives. One thing is I need to be alone. I choose to not go out too much and enjoy staying home and that’s when I get most creative. I’d love to hear your thoughts on what inspires you to be creative.

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I like to listen to music while I write. Tonight I am listening to “Catch The Wind” by Donovan, over and over while I smoke a few cigerettes with tears streaming down my face.

I came to a realization this evening. I have been searching and reading philosophy for many years now. Maybe 20 years on and off. I think I am done with thinking for now and trying to figure it all out. Too many religions and philosophies out there. It really doesn’t matter is the conclusion I came up with. Just be and enjoy this life as best as you can.

Everyone is searching and trying to find the answers to ease their pain. Life is short and it’s scary to think that as hard as it is, in the blink of an eye it can all end.

Even in my darkest days when I thought I wanted it to end, that is not really what I wanted. I just wanted the suffering to end, not life.

Life can be beautiful. And love is the greatest gift of all. Enjoy the things that make you happy! Whatever that is for you.

Life is not perfect. It may never be what you dream it to be. Do not get lost in your dreams. Because there are beautiful moments along the way that you may be missing because you keep reaching for something that you don’t have now.

As far as the next life, none of us really know now do we? Not until that time comes. We can pray, meditate, and speculate forever, but don’t loose this life thinking about the next. Live your life right now. For all we really have for now is now. So while you are here, make the best of it!

Everyone wants to be happy and free in life. That is our fundamental right as a human being. Yet many people are not. I personally felt my freedom to choose to live my life the way I wanted was taken from me at a young age. I want to share some personal things about my past in hopes to help others see the value of personal freedom and to help others heal from their past as well.

As a child, I was not encouraged to follow my dreams, go to college, or to pursue my interests in life. I was only encouraged to go to church and study the Bible. I was baptized as an infant Catholic. My mother and father divorced when I was 8 years old. I was raised by my mother who remarried. My mother one day opened our door to Jehovah’s Witnesses and listened to what they were preaching. She then began a Bible study with a husband and wife from the local Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

It was the summer before I started my senior year at high school that she insisted I start my own personal Bible study with a young girl who also was a Jehovah’s Witness.

I vividly remember an incident that happened when I was in my bedroom with my neighbor friend. I told my mom I didn’t want to have my Bible study that night. She got so enraged she took this model ship which was sitting on a shelf on my bedroom wall which my grandfather made by hand and threw it across the room with such force that it shattered against the wall in a million pieces.

After that, I never refused to have my Bible study and went to the Kingdom Hall of Jehovah’s Witnesses with my mother every Sunday. It was not long after that I too started believing what Jehovah’s Witnesses taught. Looking back, I realize that their religion is a form of a cult. It is very controlling.

It wasn’t long before I sunk into a deep depression when I woke up one day and realized; I was married to a man I was not in love with who was also a Jehovah’s Witness, all I had to look forward to was going to church 3 times a week and going door to door to preach their message; I had a little baby to take care of, and I was not allowed to speak to my mother because she was disfellowshipped from the organization for committing adultery with an elder in the church. Disfellowshipping is like being ex-communicated. I was not suppose to have any contact with my own mother during this time.

I was lost in this world that was not what I wanted for myself. Their beliefs were ingrained in my head. I suffered deep depression and nightmares for years after I left the organization. I was trapped in my own mind. It took me 20 years to completely deprogram myself.

During this time, I never stopped praying for help. I began to search and read all different kinds of spiritual philosophy in hopes to heal. As I look back, I thank God for letting me see the light. Religion can be very dangerous. Man’s interpretation is just that, man’s interpretation. I understand this very clearly now.

I want to shed light on the dangers or control that religion can have over people’s lives. My search for truth was not easy to say the least. I feel as though I suffered a dark night of the soul coming out of what I did.

I battled mind control and depression for years. I have come a long way but as a result, I lost years of my life. The best I can do with what I have learned from my experiences in life is to share my story a little at a time in hopes to help someone else.

I was angry for many years with my mother for forcing that religion on me. I have worked hard to forgive her. I realize now that she was brainwashed too and was only trying to do what she thought was best for me and my siblings.

I have learned that forgiveness is so important in life. Sometimes we can try to forgive, but we keep bringing up the past. I was guilty of this. I wanted to forgive and move on but it wasn’t always so easy. I was not only hurting my mother by continuing to be angry with her but I was hurting myself as well by not letting go of the past. You cannot heal from your pain unless you forgive 100%.

I have come along way from where I was. The butterfly which is my logo, represents freedom and happiness. I truly believe that we as humans have the ability to heal from anything. Not only physical pain, but emotional and mental pain as well. We can be imprisoned in our own minds. This is the worst kind of pain. My story is a story of hope and healing. I am still learning everyday about life. I can finally say that I have a sense of freedom and happiness now. I thank God for this.

 

I want to share an experience I had about 15 years ago. Actually I am guessing as to how long ago it was. I cannot quite remember.

Late in the early hours of the nite, I awoke to a bright light coming in thru the blinds of the window at the end of my bed.

It scared the shit out of me because it was a light I had never seen before. It illuminated the black dark room which I was lying in. The light was white not like from the sun. It was not gold or yellow.

I saw it coming in from the blinds and I was curious to look out my window but didn’t because I was frightened.

As I looked to my left I noticed light bouncing off a spoon I had left in my room that was sitting on a shelf.

I got out of bed quickly and gazed across the room. I noticed a picture my daughter had done in school which was hanging on the wall was illuminating white light.

The picture was of Mary Magadalene in prayer. My daughter had a class project where they did rubbings in white chalk on black paper over a gravestone. I remember having to purchase the black paper she needed for it. It was hanging in my bedroom at the time.

I was filled with fear because I knew this light was not from here. I covered my eyes with my right hand  and was searching with my other hand for the light switch on the wall. I had to turn on the light because it freaked me out that my room was lit up by something other than a normal light. I wanted it to go away.

My heart was beating so fast. I had never experienced anything like it. For many nights I slept with the lights on after that.

I had to roll up the picture my daughter made and put it out of sight because I was frightened of it.

I only told a few people what happened to me. And to this day I rarely talk of it.

Shortly after that, I started researching white light and found out that usually people who experience this have had near death experiences which are called NDEs.

I was definitely not near death. I had been praying alot though and reading a book about angels the night before. Around that time, I remember listening to alot of David Bowie and his song Starman reminds me of what happened that night.

I was afraid to open the blinds because I wasn’t sure if it was angels or maybe a spaceship waiting outside my room. I know that may sound ridiculous but I was not about to find out.

My search to find out about white light led me to read more about near death experiences. I believe now after many years I had a mystical experience. I believe something heard my prayers and I had a visitation.

I was not ready for it. If I was, I believe I would not have been so afraid. I was not expecting it.

In my reading about near death experiences in order to understand more about white light, my faith became strengthened. It was more fascinating to me than any spiritual books I have ever read. It reassured me that life after death does exist. And that there are others that exist beyond what we know in this reality.

It strengthed my faith and made me realize that our prayers are heard. At the same time, you cannot just wave a magic wand and expect things to happen miraculously. You have to make things happen for yourself.

It was if something out there was saying, I hear you and I am aware of what you are going thru but you have to figure it out for yourself. Just don’t give up! It’s going to be ok.

 

dMk.Butterfly

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A few months earlier I posted a quote by the spiritual teacher or guru called Mooji. I discovered Mooji on YouTube. I watch or listen to alot of different motivational speakers or spiritual teachers on YouTube, as well as listen to different types of music including mantras and relaxing spa music. Mooji popped up on my playlist and I never heard of him before but I was curious, so I listened to him speak. He brings me much comfort and wisdom which I am grateful for along with many other teachers I enjoy listening to like Deepak Chopra, Dr Wayne Dyer, Tony Robbins, etc.

Many spiritual teachers talk of the benefit of meditation. This is something that does not come easy for me. I tried it a few times without much success but recently I have been trying to do it again. It is a goal of mine to make it a part of my morning routine along with yoga. Anyway, it came to me that meditation unlike sleep, is a clearing of the mind. While sleep is like recharging your battery. It seems much like a computer. When your phone or computer starts to run out of charge, you have to recharge it. This is like when we sleep we recharge ourselves. And meditation can be likened to clearing our data out of our phone or computer. When it gets overloaded with too much data, you have to clear your data so it works at its maximum capacity. Just like our minds can get overloaded and we get stressed out and cannot see things clearly. So, thats what mediation is for, clearing or quieting our minds so we can connect to our true source.

Mooji’s quote I posted under “Inner Peace” is as follows:

Diana
Goddess of hunted
Must become
Deanna
Goddess of meditation
Delusion produces
Evil
If you want clear water
You must
Go to the source

The above quote is something I heard Mooji say in one of his talks. To be quite honest, I am not completely sure what he meant. But to me it means that sometimes we don’t see things clearly as they should be seen. Our life or the way we perceive things often can become deluded and as a result we become fearful, angry, or full of anxiety and stressed out which causes pain and takes away from our happiness. So we must go to the source thru prayer and meditation asking to see things more clearly so we can have true understanding and knowledge.

 

 

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