Light of Hope

I want to share an experience I had about 15 years ago. Actually I am guessing as to how long ago it was. I cannot quite remember.

Late in the early hours of the nite, I awoke to a bright light coming in thru the blinds of the window at the end of my bed.

It scared the shit out of me because it was a light I had never seen before. It illuminated the black dark room which I was lying in. The light was white not like from the sun. It was not gold or yellow.

I saw it coming in from the blinds and I was curious to look out my window but didn’t because I was frightened.

As I looked to my left I noticed light bouncing off a spoon I had left in my room that was sitting on a shelf.

I got out of bed quickly and gazed across the room. I noticed a picture my daughter had done in school which was hanging on the wall was illuminating white light.

The picture was of Mary Magadalene in prayer. My daughter had a class project where they did rubbings in white chalk on black paper over a gravestone. I remember having to purchase the black paper she needed for it.ย It was hanging in my bedroom at the time.

I was filled with fear because I knew this light was not from here. I covered my eyes with my right handย  and was searching with my other hand for the light switch on the wall. I had to turn on the light because it freaked me out that my room was lit up by something other than a normal light. I wanted it to go away.

My heart was beating so fast. I had never experienced anything like it. For many nights I slept with the lights on after that.

I had to roll up the picture my daughter made and put it out of sight because I was frightened of it.

I only told a few people what happened to me. And to this day I rarely talk of it.

Shortly after that, I started researching white light and found out that usually people who experience this have had near death experiences which are called NDEs.

I was definitely not near death. I had been praying alot though and reading a book about angels the night before. Around that time, I remember listening to alot of David Bowie and his song Starman reminds me of what happened that night.

I was afraid to open the blinds because I wasn’t sure if it was angels or maybe a spaceship waiting outside my room. I know that may sound ridiculous but I was not about to find out.

My search to find out about white light led me to read more about near death experiences. I believe now after many years I had a mystical experience. I believe something heard my prayers and I had a visitation.

I was not ready for it.ย If I was, I believe I would not have been so afraid. I was not expecting it.

In my reading about near death experiences in order to understand more about white light, my faith became strengthened. It was more fascinating to me than any spiritual books I have ever read. It reassured me that life after death does exist. And that there are others that exist beyond what we know in this reality.

It strengthed my faith and made me realize that our prayers are heard. At the same time, you cannot just wave a magic wand and expect things to happen miraculously. You have to make things happen for yourself.

It was if something out there was saying, I hear you and I am aware of what you are going thru but you have to figure it out for yourself. Just don’t give up! It’s going to be ok.











Mooji an Enlightened Soul

14238102_10154119461658962_1894721316820137090_nA few months earlier I posted a quote by the spiritual teacher or guru called Mooji. I discovered Mooji on YouTube. I watch or listen to alot of different motivational speakers or spiritual teachers on YouTube, as well as listen to different types of music including mantras and relaxing spa music. Mooji popped up on my playlist and I never heard of him before but I was curious, so I listened to him speak. He brings me much comfort and wisdom which I am grateful for along with many other teachers I enjoy listening to like Deepak Chopra, Dr Wayne Dyer, Tony Robbins, etc.

Many spiritual teachers talk of the benefit of meditation. This is something that does not come easy for me. I tried it a few times without much success but recently I have been trying to do it again. It is a goal of mine to make it a part of my morning routine along with yoga. Anyway, it came to me that meditation unlike sleep, is a clearing of the mind. While sleep is like recharging your battery. It seems much like a computer. When your phone or computer starts to run out of charge, you have to recharge it. This is like when we sleep we recharge ourselves. And meditation can be likened to clearing our data out of our phone or computer. When it gets overloaded with too much data, you have to clear your data so it works at its maximum capacity. Just like our minds can get overloaded and we get stressed out and cannot see things clearly. So, thats what mediation is for, clearing or quieting our minds so we can connect to our true source.

Mooji’s quote I posted under “Inner Peace” is as follows:

Goddess of hunted
Must become
Goddess of meditation
Delusion produces
If you want clear water
You must
Go to the source

The above quote is something I heard Mooji say in one of his talks. To be quite honest, I am not completely sure what he meant. But to me it means that sometimes we don’t see things clearly as they should be seen. Our life or the way we perceive things often can become deluded and as a result we become fearful, angry, or full of anxiety and stressed out which causes pain and takes away from our happiness. So we must go to the source thru prayer and meditation asking to see things more clearly so we can have true understanding and knowledge.




Goddess of hunted
Must become
Goddess of meditation
Delusion produces
If you want clear water
You must
Go to the source


Quote by Mooji. Food for thought. What does Mooji mean by these statements?

Please feel free to comment if you have any thoughts on Mooji’s philosophy.

I will explain who Mooji is and what I think he means in the quote I posted at a later time.

In the meantime, ponder away! ๐Ÿ˜‰


Just wanted to tell you how much I love you!!! And I am extremely proud of you!!! I miss you first and foremost. Just felt like writing to you and saying a few things that are deep in my soul. I have loved you forever and for all eternity. I wanted you before you were born. I don’t blame you for being distant with me. It’s not your fault. I blame myself. I was not mentally present when you were born. I was deeply depressed while I was pregnant with you. And just 6 months after you were born, I had my first and worst ever nervous breakdown. I’m not going to go into all the details of what happened and what pushed me over the edge. That is in the past.ย I just want you to know I am sorry for not being the mother you deserved. I should have held you more, kissed you more, played with you more, especially when you were a baby. I was a lost soul….I have many regrets. The biggest regret I have is that I did not appreciate the gift that God gave me, “You”!! ย I was so deeply depressed and it made me very selfish. I was too busy thinking about myself, my anger over what happened to me with the religion, my anger at my own mother, and my lost dreams because of it all. I was so mentally ill that I could barely take care of myself. I was so ashamed of myself because of my illness and not being able to work during that time. I prayed so hard over the years for God to help me get better and for me to see things clearly. I had to search deep and hard because I was so confused about religion and what the truth really is. I never gave up my faith in God and never blamed him for the religion that was pushed on me. Anyway, I am so grateful and thankful that I never gave up. Although many times the depression was so deep, I wanted to. But I am so thankful I never did!!! I got better and better over time. As I look back, it’s hard to believe how far I have come considering what I have been thru. I just wanted you to know that I understand if you have anger towards me or pain because of me. I am so very sorry for this. I never meant to hurt you. I am so very sorry for causing your life to be harder than it should have been. If I could go back in time and be the happy healthier version of my true self, I would have been more present in your life mentally and emotionally. But I cannot go back in time and change what happened. Whatever emotional wounds I have caused you, I pray that you forgive me! Don’t carry that inside. You need to heal as well. I learned alot from what I have been thru. Some have said that everything happens for a reason. Who knows? The best I can do with what I have learned is to share it with others to help other people who suffer like I have in hopes that they can heal too. You are a beautiful woman inside and out, not to mention extremely intelligent. I am proud to call you my child. You are such a strong woman. Stop and think what you have accomplished all on your own. You are on your own journey in this life, just as we all are. And life is not easy for anyone. We all have our ups and downs. Just remember, no matter how hard it gets at times to never give up! It will get better. Tomorrow is another day. And there is someone or something out there that hears our prayers. Stay positive and enjoy your life!! You can do what ever you want with it. Do what makes you happy!

I love you so much!!!

Rabbit Hole

Into a well
She did fall
So very deep
So very far
On her knees
She began to pray
Over and over
Every day
Years went by
She had no choice
Because she thought
No one heard her voice
But to climb
With her nails
Slowing scraping
Up the well
All the time
To escape her hell
Then one night
It appeared
From far away
It she feared
She closed her eyes
For it was bright
And so very white
This shinning light
What is this?
Could it be?
An angel heard her