I want to share an experience I had about 15 years ago. Actually I am guessing as to how long ago it was. I cannot quite remember.
Late in the early hours of the nite, I awoke to a bright light coming in thru the blinds of the window at the end of my bed.
It scared the shit out of me because it was a light I had never seen before. It illuminated the black dark room which I was lying in. The light was white not like from the sun. It was not gold or yellow.
I saw it coming in from the blinds and I was curious to look out my window but didn’t because I was frightened.
As I looked to my left I noticed light bouncing off a spoon I had left in my room that was sitting on a shelf.
I got out of bed quickly and gazed across the room. I noticed a picture my daughter had done in school which was hanging on the wall was illuminating white light.
The picture was of Mary Magadalene in prayer. My daughter had a class project where they did rubbings in white chalk on black paper over a gravestone. I remember having to purchase the black paper she needed for it. It was hanging in my bedroom at the time.
I was filled with fear because I knew this light was not from here. I covered my eyes with my right hand and was searching with my other hand for the light switch on the wall. I had to turn on the light because it freaked me out that my room was lit up by something other than a normal light. I wanted it to go away.
My heart was beating so fast. I had never experienced anything like it. For many nights I slept with the lights on after that.
I had to roll up the picture my daughter made and put it out of sight because I was frightened of it.
I only told a few people what happened to me. And to this day I rarely talk of it.
Shortly after that, I started researching white light and found out that usually people who experience this have had near death experiences which are called NDEs.
I was definitely not near death. I had been praying alot though and reading a book about angels the night before. Around that time, I remember listening to alot of David Bowie and his song Starman reminds me of what happened that night.
I was afraid to open the blinds because I wasn’t sure if it was angels or maybe a spaceship waiting outside my room. I know that may sound ridiculous but I was not about to find out.
My search to find out about white light led me to read more about near death experiences. I believe now after many years I had a mystical experience. I believe something heard my prayers and I had a visitation.
I was not ready for it. If I was, I believe I would not have been so afraid. I was not expecting it.
In my reading about near death experiences in order to understand more about white light, my faith became strengthened. It was more fascinating to me than any spiritual books I have ever read. It reassured me that life after death does exist. And that there are others that exist beyond what we know in this reality.
It strengthed my faith and made me realize that our prayers are heard. At the same time, you cannot just wave a magic wand and expect things to happen miraculously. You have to make things happen for yourself.
It was if something out there was saying, I hear you and I am aware of what you are going thru but you have to figure it out for yourself. Just don’t give up! It’s going to be ok.
Wanting for more
Is why she cried
Searching for answers
To find peace
To let go
Starting to realize
A few months earlier I posted a quote by the spiritual teacher or guru called Mooji. I discovered Mooji on YouTube. I watch or listen to alot of different motivational speakers or spiritual teachers on YouTube, as well as listen to different types of music including mantras and relaxing spa music. Mooji popped up on my playlist and I never heard of him before but I was curious, so I listened to him speak. He brings me much comfort and wisdom which I am grateful for along with many other teachers I enjoy listening to like Deepak Chopra, Dr Wayne Dyer, Tony Robbins, etc.
Many spiritual teachers talk of the benefit of meditation. This is something that does not come easy for me. I tried it a few times without much success but recently I have been trying to do it again. It is a goal of mine to make it a part of my morning routine along with yoga. Anyway, it came to me that meditation unlike sleep, is a clearing of the mind. While sleep is like recharging your battery. It seems much like a computer. When your phone or computer starts to run out of charge, you have to recharge it. This is like when we sleep we recharge ourselves. And meditation can be likened to clearing our data out of our phone or computer. When it gets overloaded with too much data, you have to clear your data so it works at its maximum capacity. Just like our minds can get overloaded and we get stressed out and cannot see things clearly. So, thats what mediation is for, clearing or quieting our minds so we can connect to our true source.
Mooji’s quote I posted under “Inner Peace” is as follows:
Goddess of hunted
Goddess of meditation
If you want clear water
Go to the source
The above quote is something I heard Mooji say in one of his talks. To be quite honest, I am not completely sure what he meant. But to me it means that sometimes we don’t see things clearly as they should be seen. Our life or the way we perceive things often can become deluded and as a result we become fearful, angry, or full of anxiety and stressed out which causes pain and takes away from our happiness. So we must go to the source thru prayer and meditation asking to see things more clearly so we can have true understanding and knowledge.
Saw that picture of me and you on Facebook. I’m doing much better now than I was then. I know you are suffering with depression now. I’ve been where you are. Don’t use the excuse that it’s your age. You can do anything you put your mind to! I did it and so can you. You can come out of this and feel better. Anti-depressants only help so much. The rest is up to us. Start with trying not to sleep so much. Exercise and eat better. Read good things that will inspire and uplift you. We never stop growing as a soul. Your body is getting old but your soul is even older…yet youthful full of spirit in it’s true nature. When we get depressed our energy or life force; our spirit, diminishes. That’s what it felt like for me. We all need to heal from things. You are no different than anyone else. You have emotional pain which you need to heal from. And your husband has pain too. That’s probably why he drinks so much. He is self medicating. Anyway, I wanted to say, “I love you mama!” And always have. I don’t blame you anymore for the past. Everything happens for a reason even though we may not understand right now. It’s all a part of our growth. I have learned this. It has not been easy but I have to admit…my life is much better and happier now than it was then, in that picture. I felt like a lost soul then. I have realized that we can’t just dream. To change our reality, we have to change our thinking. And everything takes hard work. I’ve learned to work hard. I just have to focus more on the things I love and enjoy that brings me the most happiness. We learn from each other. Even your sisters and their children’s pain can teach us things. And we can teach them too. I pray that we all heal and become happier as a family. We all came into each other’s life for a reason. You are a good woman. I admire your love and compassion for animals and all that you have done over the years to help them. They truly are innocent angels who need looking out for. They bring people so much love that they are like little angels incarnated. I heard a spiritual teacher once say something like our pets; cats and dogs, are of a higher vibration than us. They only know how to love unconditionally. How people treat them is part of the individuals state of being. If they are angry or uneducated or mentally ill in some way, they will not treat the animals with compassion. These harmful acts only come back to us in some way. This is Karma. Compassion is the main teaching of Buddishm. You have alot of love and compassion for all what Buddhists call, sentient beings. Even the smallest creature like a bug, I remember you setting them free.🐞 You taught me to love all people and to not be prejudice. You have a good heart. I learned many good things from you that are a part of me too. Thank you!! And don’t worry so much. I’m ok. I may not be exactly where I want to be in life at this time, but I’m on the road to getting there. 🙂
Love you lots!!😚